As we are aware, due to covid-19, all universities are temporary close. However, after one month of break (movement restricted order), university decided to use online platform such as google meet and google classroom.

Honestly, at first it was hard. Adapting with a new thing is not easy. It's weird to implement this 'new' habits in our life. 

I know everyone struggling. I feel like I have no rights whining about how inconvenient for students to use online platform for lecture. I was blessed with parents that truly understand when I isolated myself in my own room for lecture, exam, study and do assignment. I am super grateful with good internet connection and no obstacle regarding online distant learning.

However, spending most of my time at home really hits me hard since I get depressed easily when I'm home alone or when I am not socialize with others. Good things, now i know how to control my emotions and I am trying hard to get myself together. But from time to time, loneliness hits me, then suddenly I will lay on my bed crying and feeling stress out of reasons. I miss my friends and I'm not sure if they do. But I do miss them since I have no siblings to talk. I spend most of my time alone.. inside my room.

There is a time when I don't want to end a video call with my friends. I want to have more conversation with them. Then I cry after the video call end..hahaha. Trust me, at that time I really hate myself. 

Sometimes I put myself in pitiful circle, sometimes i hate myself for not being 'normal', sometimes i feel small for being someone who think and full of emotions, and sometimes i feel jealous with my friends when they have someone to spend time with..

All of this thoughts, comes and go repeatedly.