dear self
can u hear me?
shouting, screaming towards you every time we went insane.
i'm sorry.

dear self,
can you please stop being complicated,
can you throw away all the emotions inside you?
can you heal my pain
can you stop worrying about future?
can you stop hating me?
can you stop hating our fate?
because honestly I want to live happily

dear self,
I want to stop hating you..
because I feel so tired of losing and blaming you..
we both are fragile
we both fighting in a lonely battle
burden with heavy responsibility
but lets love each other...
because that's make our life easier.

I love you.

Its already end of January..

January couldn't be worse. Its full of emotions. Full of ups and down. I am doing fine, thankfully.  There is a time where the sadness come and go. Sudden cry and feeling under weather was normal. Feeling grateful when my hearts is full was normal. Laughing happily when all I want to do is stay on my bed was normal. Cry when I feel overwhelming with an mixed emotions.

Everything feel surreal  I kept myself busy with exams and works. Now I have a lot time, to write, to reflect, to cry and recover. I want to let out all the emotions that I supress for a month. I don't want sadness fills me but this time I will let myself accepting all the sadness.

Its feel like I was tied at the bottom but I kept floating.

Its been a month I didn't take care of myself. Sadness fills my heart. But warms keep it alive.

Hey, lets not force yourself to be okay. lets just embrace all this weird emotions. You gonna be fine.