i thought about what 'real' friends is, and i don't know the real answer to it. for me, i don't have lot of friends. i am very reserve so when i treat people differently, i care differently, it means i start to open my heart to receive and give more love. somehow, deep down i also want my friends to treat me differently like i treat them. but i guess it's impossible to always keep people you love and it's impossible for you to always stay in their heart.

i am being hard on myself. i am being hard for my friends with my mental illness. i keep isolated myself. i keep feel the loneliness beneath my blood. its cold. its hurts. i can't stop beating myself.

so i am appreciate to some of my friends that know how to comfort me or stay with me when i am not feel okay.

i'm tired.

/what am i to you- norah jones/