This year raya feel different? I think it start to change after my grandma passed away. I feel like family bonding are falling apart? Raya feel empty. No more long conversation, kids laughing and feeling of bitterness because of unfair treatment. 

During aid-fitr, someone asked me to make an effort to increase liveliness my fam raya. So i clean the house, cook and bake for my fam. But on the first day, my dad sleep all day and my mom too tired to celebrate raya. I feel like my effort are not worthy because my parents not the type that enjoying raya. 

I feel so lonely during the first raya. I didn’t open social media all day. Second day of raya i decided to paint my room. Thats how my loneliness filled and thats how my raya went by. 

So this time, I didn’t make any effort. I dont care much. I only cook rendang. And of coz, i deac my soc media. I hope my raya pass as soon as possible. 

Thats how my raya. 

Kind of jealous when everyone posting their picture with fam. I honestly social awkward with other fam members. Im not close with my cousins and i am not good at making conversation nor reacting. Kind of sad act. 

But yeah. 

End of my raya sad story. 

I wonder how would it feel to have a very close bonding with fam members?