Annyeong, holla, Assalamualaikum,
28/1 i fly to Madinah to perform my umrah. Ya allah, nervous sebab tak prepare apa-apa. I keep myself simple. Maybe what I do or think are wrong but I have my own reason. I wear my usual outfit, I use my everyday telekung, I dont do any shopping for except for medicine ( glad i did! ) in term of ibadah- i tell myself to keep it simple. Just do what I can do. Try to bring the best of me. Alhamdulilah I didn’t lose myself this time. This time, I love and grateful being here.
I discover one things about me. I prefer to be alone, staying at masjid as long as i can especially before subh. For me, lepas isyak badan macam tak boleh tolerate lagi so i back to my hotel as fast as I can then wake up early for subh. I love subh. So peaceful and beautiful. 3 days before back to Malaysia, demam panas teruk. sakit tekak. takde suara. First day demam, i push myself pergi jemaah dekat masjid. Tapi lepas asar, kepala dah berpusing and waktu tu sorang2 pulak. Beli makan dekat hotel terus naik bilik. Makan, makan ubat dan pengsan sampai ayah kejut untuk bangun solat tapi tak larat terpaksa solat duduk. Rasa useless sebab otak fikir i should not waste my time like this. time ni la nak pergi masjid. The next day, satu hari tak dapat pergi masjid.
I keep praying that the last day dekat Mekah, i will gain my energy back. I drink a tons of air zam2 sambil doa, hilang la sakit tekak dengan lemah badan ni. Nak buat ibadah last day betul2. Alhamdulilah, walaupun tak completely sihat, tapi boleh jalan pergi masjid tu cukup bagus. tekak tak sakit dah. Sampai tawaf wada' dan jeddah pun okay lagi. Tapi naik je flight, demam datang balik sampai la hari ketiga kat Malaysia baru sihat. Batuk je ambil masa 1 bulan nak baik. Alhamdulilah.
For some people, this is nothing. For some people they can stay at masjid almost 20 hours. For me, I do what I am able to do. As long as I try my best to be the best of me. Because i didnt want to repeat the same mistake that i did 5 years ago when performing my umrah. I was young, fool and rebel. Now I came back as an adult, more mature and blessed. I can see how much I grow for the past 5 years. Alhamdulilah. InsyaAllah, I will come back in future, when You call me, when You invite me Amin.
28/1 i fly to Madinah to perform my umrah. Ya allah, nervous sebab tak prepare apa-apa. I keep myself simple. Maybe what I do or think are wrong but I have my own reason. I wear my usual outfit, I use my everyday telekung, I dont do any shopping for except for medicine ( glad i did! ) in term of ibadah- i tell myself to keep it simple. Just do what I can do. Try to bring the best of me. Alhamdulilah I didn’t lose myself this time. This time, I love and grateful being here.
I keep praying that the last day dekat Mekah, i will gain my energy back. I drink a tons of air zam2 sambil doa, hilang la sakit tekak dengan lemah badan ni. Nak buat ibadah last day betul2. Alhamdulilah, walaupun tak completely sihat, tapi boleh jalan pergi masjid tu cukup bagus. tekak tak sakit dah. Sampai tawaf wada' dan jeddah pun okay lagi. Tapi naik je flight, demam datang balik sampai la hari ketiga kat Malaysia baru sihat. Batuk je ambil masa 1 bulan nak baik. Alhamdulilah.
For some people, this is nothing. For some people they can stay at masjid almost 20 hours. For me, I do what I am able to do. As long as I try my best to be the best of me. Because i didnt want to repeat the same mistake that i did 5 years ago when performing my umrah. I was young, fool and rebel. Now I came back as an adult, more mature and blessed. I can see how much I grow for the past 5 years. Alhamdulilah. InsyaAllah, I will come back in future, when You call me, when You invite me Amin.
i thought about what 'real' friends is, and i don't know the real answer to it. for me, i don't have lot of friends. i am very reserve so when i treat people differently, i care differently, it means i start to open my heart to receive and give more love. somehow, deep down i also want my friends to treat me differently like i treat them. but i guess it's impossible to always keep people you love and it's impossible for you to always stay in their heart.
i am being hard on myself. i am being hard for my friends with my mental illness. i keep isolated myself. i keep feel the loneliness beneath my blood. its cold. its hurts. i can't stop beating myself.
so i am appreciate to some of my friends that know how to comfort me or stay with me when i am not feel okay.
i'm tired.
/what am i to you- norah jones/
i am being hard on myself. i am being hard for my friends with my mental illness. i keep isolated myself. i keep feel the loneliness beneath my blood. its cold. its hurts. i can't stop beating myself.
so i am appreciate to some of my friends that know how to comfort me or stay with me when i am not feel okay.
i'm tired.
/what am i to you- norah jones/
